Teaching Tolerance

 (A Memorial for Matthew Shepard)

American society is conflicted with many human civility issues. Throughout history, human civil rights movements have strived to create equality for all races and genders. The most recent for this generation is LGBQT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and transgender) rights.  The members of society who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and/or transgender do not have the equal rights as other members of society. The denial of these basic rights, results in a minority group that is labeled as “different.”  This difference creates two opportunities for society. One is to accept the difference and the other is to persecute.  For far too long, our society has accepted the persecution of members of the LGBQT community merely because it is “different” from the majority standard. 

The persecution of people in the LGBQT community can begin as early as elementary school, and can last all the way through adulthood. Like any issue, it is far better to address it early on, before it becomes a problem. It is the responsibility of our society to create a peaceful environment for all citizens. There is a unique issue that is specific to this community because their "difference" cannot be determined just by looking at the individual. This issue is the process commonly known as "coming out of the closet." This statement itself implies that those who are homosexual or bisexual are to live in a secret, dark, and unauthentic place until they "come out" of hiding and reveal their true selves. This act of having to even be defined by one's sexuality is murdering legitimacy, and in turn murdering our youth.

There is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to presenting an alternative to help bullies and bullied youth. This organization is, Make Beats Not Beat Downs (Sanchez). They structure their alternative assistance through the aspects of art, music, and education. 

In 2007, MBNBD published some astounding statistical findings. They found that nearly 90% of LGBQT students had experienced harassment at school during the 2006 school year.. It is not acceptable for our children to be subject to endure this treatment not only in the world, but also within their school system. School should be a place that fosters confidence, learning, and a sense of community. They shouldn’t have to come to school prepared to defend themselves. This takes away from their true potential.

Another statistic from MBNBD stated that these students might also be more likely to attempt suicide in comparison to heterosexual teens. This statistic shows that there is a very strong need for a focused plan to address the issues among this group in particular. To let this go and turn our heads would be a great disservice to the future of our society. These students need support from their school administration.

The next statistic is very interesting because it doesn’t only affect students of the LGBQT community, but those who may just be perceived as a member. In 2005 the survey stated that students were bullied because of their perceived sexual orientation or gender expression. This indicates a lack of education and understanding among the student body. The amount of pressure that this can cause on a student, as seen in the previous statistics, can be severely detrimental.

In addition to these A sickening range of statistics is also provided on MBNBD’s website:

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth reported being verbally harassed at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation

• Nearly half (44.1 percent) reported being physically harassed

• About a quarter (22.1 percent) reported being physically assaulted

• Nearly two-thirds (60.8 percent) who experienced harassment or assault never reported the incident to the school

• Of those who did report the incident, nearly one-third (31.1 percent) said the school staff did nothing in response. (Sanchez)

            To address this issue before it becomes a problem, the role of society’s educators needs to include the teachings of understanding and knowledge, of this way of life. The best unified platform for this would be through our public school systems. The lessons that can be learned in school will set future generations up for a more peaceable environment, and allow students to reach a fuller potential of learning.

Standard educational programs are in place to teach children beyond the setting of their domestic home life. Students learn subjects such as Mathematics, English, History, and Science. They can even go so far as to cover subjects such as Foreign Languages, Art, Philosophy, Health, Psychology, Physical Education, etc. Education is ever growing and expanding. With this current LGBT civil rights movement, society needs to start implementing tolerance classes in the public school systems. Movements are wonderful because they create the opportunity for change and growth. Educators and school boards are responsible for teaching the youth of our society. They are the builders of the future, and they help to sculpt the future leaders of this country.

Through the brilliant lessons from history teachers, society has been taught that civil tolerance is beneficial. The current standard of addressing tolerance issues is to address them after an incident has occurred. This means that if two students have an altercation, educators will counsel the parties involved about tolerance. This is a retroactive approach. The problem needs to be addressed before issues arise and it’s too late. Teaching a tolerance class will only provide students with more knowledge and understanding. This needs to be a class that is carried from kindergarten through senior year. This class setting will not only assist in the issues that homosexual and bisexual students currently face, but also with any student who faces adversity. 

(Harvey Milk)

In addition to implementing a tolerance course, we need to integrate the teachings of non-traditional lifestyles into other classes such as history. For instance, throughout history homosexuals and bisexuals have been present. Historical figures such as Socrates, Aristotle, Michelangelo, Leonardo Di Vinci, Alexander The Great, Walt Whitman, Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolf, Frida Kahlo, Harvey Milk, and Eleanor Roosevelt (to name a few) have been known to be either homosexual or bisexual  (“Famous LGBT People”). Giving students a figure to relate to helps to bridge the gap in what is actual tradition, and what is an agenda that is being taught. It aids in the acceptance of the LGBQT lifestyle. It shows that it is traditional, rather than implying that it is not, and therefor creating the idea that this behavior is not acceptable.

Unlike any other generation, future generations will be leading our countries, maintaining our societal functions, and raising our future generations. Teaching them acceptance will only bring beneficial outcomes. In a sense, we are handicapping our own youth by not teaching this as a subject. The world is full of differences and nontraditional standards. The time for us to model our constitution when it comes to the teachings of youth is now. The suicide and hate crime rate amongst k-12 homosexual and bisexual students must drop. Let us start a movement when will allow for a day that homosexual and bisexual student hate crimes and suicides are something of the unfortunate past. Let those memories live in a closet to be locked up, and never to come out.

If you, or someone you know needs more information please visit the Mathew Sheppard Foundation’s website for LGBQT teens and allies at http://www.matthewshepard.org.

Works Cited 

“Famous LGBT People.”. Association of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Issues in Counseling of Alabama. ALGBTICAL, 2014. Web. 14 Apr. 2014.

Sanchez, Mark. “Facts & Statistics.” . Make Beats Not Beat Downs. MBNBD, 2013. Web. 14 Apr. 2014.

Modern Romance

(Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Modern Romance)

Throughout history love stories have been present. There might be two star-crossed lovers whispering sweet nothings to each other without a care in the world. Maybe there is a prince riding off into the sunset with his princess. What about a modern romance? Is there a husband, wife, and 2.5 children? What does this modern day story look like for you? Are there still two people? Are there butterflies? What about a princess and her prince or is it, rather, her princess? Are any of these factors present in your definition of a love story?

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, love is defined as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; affection and tenderness felt by lovers, affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests. It doesn’t matter if it is modern day or something of the past. Love is constant. We all relate to it. We all experience it. This is Nichole and Trisha’s modern love story.

(Nichole, daughter Gwendolyn, and her wife Tricia)

Nichole grew up in Utah, and she has moved around a lot throughout the state. Her parents divorced when she was young and she doesn’t recall a time when they were together.  She had a very good childhood filled with a strong family connection and having fun with her neighborhood friends.

Tricia grew up in a much different area than Utah. She grew up in Florida and Alabama. She moved to Utah with her mother because of her mother’s strong devotion to the LDS religion. Tricia’s parents also divorced when she was young, around the age of one.

Living in Utah, these two ladies crossed paths through their work. They shared a mutual friend from work who introduced them in the break room, in December of 2001. Nichole was in the Reservations Department and Tricia was a Project Manager in IT. After bumping into each other a few times after their introduction, Nichole decided to wish Tricia good night. Tricia decided to take this opportunity to ask Nichole on a date. They exchanged numbers and from that moment on realized that their fondness of each other was something much, much more. They knew that they had found in each other their counterpoint.

The next years were filled with travel, moving in together, discussions of marriage, and a baby. The discussion of marriage and a baby was put on hold when they found out that the cost involved with these two goals would be more than they had anticipated. Ultimately, their priority was to invest in the growth of their family and they eventually decided to achieve this before getting married. This meant that they had to decide which reproduction option would be best for their family.  

Nichole and Tricia chose to take the route of going to a Cryobank, which is a facility that stores donor-provided human seed to be used by hopeful parents for reproduction. This option allowed for an anonymous donor contribution. The best scenario for them was to have Nichole carry their baby. With much effort and time, the couple happily announced, in the fall of 2009, that they were going to have a baby. They welcomed their beautiful daughter Gwendolyn to the world in June of 2010.

After fulfilling their dream to have a bigger family, the couple decided to pursue their second dream, to get married. Unlike heterosexual relationships however, they found that this wasn’t as easy for same-sex couples. There was an obstacle in their way, the right to legalize their union in their home state. This isn’t even a question or thought for heterosexual couples. Heterosexual couples don’t have to weigh their options with this. It is just a right that has been given to them arbitrarily. 

Nichole and Tricia began to think of how they would face this situation. They started coming up with some creative solutions. They thought at that point that they would go to another state, where it was legal, and get married. This was just one option, but it wasn't the best option for them. They wanted to be able to come home to Utah and have their union recognized legally. The concern that Tricia could not legally adopt Gwendolyn was the most troubling.  

The couple had drafted their wills to reflect what they wanted for their family but as Nichole states, “...it still did not give us all of the protections and certainties that adoption would. For instance if something happened to me, even though we had all the paperwork saying that Tricia should get Gwendolyn, there is still a chance that she could be taken to court over it if someone wanted to contest it. We had talked about the fact that we might have to move out of Utah even to a state that would allow our marriage and in turn allow Tricia to legally adopt our daughter. That way Tricia could be recognized as Gwendolyn’s parent. The adoption meant everything to us as a family. We can proudly say that we are now a legal, loving family.”

The adversity that legalities can impose on a relationship can really dampen any attempt at romance. For Tricia and Nichole however, this may have strengthened their bond even more. Their community and they themselves were hopeful. Through that hope came progress. On December 20, 2013, they received the news that the Supreme Court ruled the state of Utah’s Amendment 3 unconstitutional. This allowed same sex couples the right to a legal civil union.

The haste of this decision by the government was not one that the couple had anticipated, but with hopeful arms they embraced it. On December 23, 2013, they went to the Salt Lake County Courthouse and joined into a legal civil union. They didn’t have time to plan much for the wedding, but they were able to celebrate for six hours with their family and friends until they received their license. The couple’s friend, JP, who is an ordained minister from San Francisco, performed a beautiful ceremony held in the cafeteria of the county building. The ceremony was followed by a small reception at their friend’s home, later that day.

The heightened hopeful moment of change and progress, unfortunately, came to a halt when a stay was issued to temporarily pause the process of legalizing same sex unions in the state of Utah. Nichole states, “The current postponement has made me fearful of what the outcome could be. It would be devastating to finally have equal rights, and then have them taken away.”

Love is constant and does not change its meaning when the sex of the two lovers is the same or different. There is however, a difference in the obstacles that lovers face in our modern day. The romance is coupled with things like legalities and formalities. The happiness and worries that this couple shares are the same concerns that any other couple might face.  The modern day romance is one of finding that connection that defies the obstacles of modern life and perseveres through trials.

Nichole’s hope for others is, “...for others to understand that we are a family, just like any other. We have the same happiness and worries. We want our daughter to grow up with all the privileges and safeties that other kids have. We want to be treated equally to any other American couple. Our being married would not take away from any other traditional marriages. It would bring more protection to our family.” The perseverance of this couple's love is astounding and falls nothing short of deserving a fairytale ending.

Works Cited

Love. "Merriam-Webster Online - Dictionary and Thesaurus - Merriam ...." . Merriam-Webster, Incorporated, 2014. Web. 24 Mar. 2014.

McGrath, Nichole. Personal Interview. 20 Mar. 2014.